


Unbelievable Nightmare

by lovingme_lovingyeun



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Character Death, F/M, Hurt Carl Grimes, Inspired by The Walking Dead, Major Character Injury, Sad Carl Grimes, Sad Ending, Season/Series 08, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-18
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-16 19:52:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13060995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovingme_lovingyeun/pseuds/lovingme_lovingyeun
Summary: After Carl's big plan for the night, the Saviors surprise visit to Alexandria. You are Carl's girlfriend and are worried about his safety. When you arrive at the new hideout, you find Siddiq and Carl there. Along with Judith and the fellow Alexandrians. But what you don't know is Carl's secret and the pain it will cause all of the people involved.





	1. Discovery

**Author's Note:**

> Hi there! I was almost in tears writing this. Episode 8 hit me hard. I tried to avoid spoilers in the summary, so please, I beg you. If you have yet to see Season 8 Episode 8 of the Walking Dead, please refrain from reading this. I really don't want to ruin it for you. However, if you have seen it or you just like ruining your favourite shows for yourself (like I do). I am super happy to have you here, and I really hope you enjoy! Please leave kudos, because it lets me know what you thought. And if you feel so inclined, please leave a comment too. Let me know if I should keep this going or not!  
> Lots of love,  
> Francesca x

“CARL! CARL, WHERE ARE YOU?!” I scream, my lungs are throbbing, they feel as if they’re on fire. My heart has dropped to my stomach and I feel sick. I can’t see him anywhere, I can’t see anything. Heat, fire, destruction. They’ve destroyed everything. They’ve destroyed my home. A strong hand grasps my arm from my misty, dark surroundings. I gasp from surprise and panick this could be anyone, the Saviors have probably broken in, ramming down the securities of the gates that once protected us from the outside world.  
“It’s okay, it’s me.” Michonne’s voice rings in my head, I feel safe and secure but I’m still terrified for Carl. My head is banging and explosions mark the path around us. She grabs my head and leads me away from the hectic remnants of our home. 

We arrive at our new safe zone, the sewer system. I spot Judith playing with toys in the corner, I clamber over people to arrive in front of her. She looks up at me with her warm, bronze eyes and I smile at her happily. My family. I bite my nails as I watch her play oblivious to the state of the people around her.  
“He’s here, if you want to see him.” An unfamiliar voice breaks my thought pattern and I look up. This is the man Carl told me about, his name is Siddiq and he’s a lost man. I smile gratefully. I follow Siddiq to see Carl and at the moment I see Rick in my peripheral vision approaching us, Michonne follows close behind. I turn to look at Carl and his face lights up, he grins at me. I return the favour and sit down on the floor next to him. When Rick spots Siddiq, he looks confused and worried.  
“I brought him here.” Carl says. “That’s how it happened.” I turn my head to the side. What is he talking about? I start to form the question in my head, ready to speak. But Carl answers my question before I can respond. He lifts up his shirt and removes a blood-soaked bandage. I see the bite mark, shocking against his pale, fevered skin. 

I shake my head and get up from his side. I look to Rick; his face is tear-soaked and he looks absolutely terrified. Michonne is speechless, she can’t produce any words and she can’t look at him. “No. no. no. no.” I burst into tears. “I can’t, I can’t lose you. Don’t make me lose you. This can’t be happening. Tell me this isn’t happening.” I keep rambling, unable to control what’s coming out of my mouth anymore. My head is overflowing with painful thoughts and my heart feels as if it’s about to fall out of my mouth. “Hey, hey, hey (Y/N). Listen to me.” Carl says, he holds my face in his hands. “You can do this, you can beat him.” He meant it, he really meant it. He wanted to die. How did I not realise? “You meant all of it, you wanted to die. You were ready to die, because o-of this.” I stutter over my words and my throat constricts. I can’t breathe anymore, I can’t live anymore. He nods and looks at his feet. Rick and Michonne are still crouching there utterly speechless. Our world has just crashed down around us and we have nothing to say. “I…I… Carl. I can’t believe this.” Rick stumbles. Michonne’s head falls into Carl’s lap and she begins to sob breathlessly. 

I put my head in my hands and I need to take a breath. I run past everyone and collapse on the cold, hard ground. I breathe heavily and sobs rack through my whole body. I can barely catch any breath at all. If I just have been there. I could’ve helped him. I could have done something. I could’ve prevented this. “(Y/N), you should really go see him.” Michonne says from behind him. “He… he needs you right now.” I glance up at her, tears streaking her face she places her hand on my arm and squeezes gently. I walk back to where Carl is slumped against a wall. I return to my position before, squeezing his hand gently. “There’s so many things I want to say to you, (Y/N). But I don’t want to say goodbye to you.” Carl says softly. “I don’t… I don’t think I can go on without you, Carl.” I reply. “You can, but I don’t think I can make it without you. You’ll be down here, but god knows where I’ll be. I’ll be all alone.” He replies devastated. Tears fall from my eyes and he squeezes my hand hard. “I want to yell at you, I want to scream at you, but I just can’t bring myself to. How could you let this happen? How can we have Siddiq here now? All I’ll see is you… How he could’ve saved you. How I COULD have saved you, Carl.” The longer I speak for, the angrier my tone becomes but I have to aim to hold myself back, he’s dying I can’t make him feel worse. But anger rages through me, like a fire that’s unable to be tamed. 

“I know. I was reckless, but you can’t blame him. I should’ve been more careful. He was pre-occupied with himself, he couldn’t help me.” I half listen to what Carl is saying, but the grief is drowning him out. He hasn’t even died yet and the grief is already surrounding me and filling my head. “I could’ve saved you, Carl. I could’ve PREVENTED this.” At that minute, I break down, he pulls me close to his chest and I grip his chest crying into him, I never wanted to bury my boyfriend. I never wanted to say goodbye to Carl. But now I’m going to have to. I want to stay in this moment forever. But this is an unbelievable nightmare, I want it to end but I didn’t want it to ever begin.


	2. What Do You Want Me To Do?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Carl decide to spend some quality time together, as who knows how long he has left. You want to say all manners of things to him, but you have no idea how to form words anymore. You are battling with how to accept the situation, how to support Carl but also put your anger aside and just love him in his final moments. You are coming to terms with losing one of the most valuable and important people in your world. Especially since it's a world that is made brighter by Carl's presence...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, 
> 
> I was nearly crying while writing this chapter, I love listening to sad songs while I write sad chapters because it really helps to channel sadness! I was listening to To Build A Home by The Cinematic Orchestra, which is in one of my favourite films Edge Of Seventeen, so I gathered my inspiration from the song to influence this chapter. I just wanted to mention, as I don't own any of the lyrics mentioned in this chapter, they all belong to the wonderful writers of this song! Without further ado, I hope you enjoy this chapter as I'm constantly trying to improve. Any kudos or comments would be greatly appreciated. If I don't publish again before Christmas, have a merry Christmas and I pray you all stay safe and happy.   
> Lots of love, Francesca x

Carl shifts and groans in pain, I can hear his heart beating quicker. His body is on fire and I have no idea what I’m supposed to do. I crawl further away from him and open my backpack, I pull out my bottle of water and pass it to him. He shakes his head at me. “You need to drink something, Carl.” He shakes his head at me again. I sigh. “So, what do you want me to do?” I ask nervously. “I just want you to be here with me,” Carl replies. My heart drops. 

But for how long? How long does he have left? How long before I feel alone? I look into Carl’s bright, ocean eyes and I try to accept what’s approaching. The fact that soon enough, I won’t be looking into his eyes anymore. I won’t be able to. I won’t ever be able to again because he won’t be here anymore. I’m not sure I can deal with this. I’m not sure I can do this. I want to run and run until I drop off the face of the Earth or so I don’t have to feel anything anymore. I can’t grasp what’s happening, I don’t want it to be this way, I don’t want to do this but I can’t leave him now. He needs me, but I’m not sure I’m capable of this. “(Y/N)?” Carl asks worriedly. “I’m not sure… I can’t…” I try to speak, but the words jumble around in my head and I can’t think of anything else but undeniable pain. “I know.” Carl runs his hands through my hair and tucks a piece behind my ear. Every movement aches the pain he’s feeling and I want to help him. But we aren’t home, our home is destroyed and Saviors are out for our blood. He wipes a tear that’s falling down my face with his thumb and he smirks. 

I always thought Carl would be the last one standing, I figured he would outlive me. But now we’re lying here and Carl is dying. He’s disappearing right in front me. I want to be angry, I want to scream and yell. I want to go out there and slaughter every single person who goes by the name Negan. But I have to bite my burning rage back, with realisation, that soon enough Carl won’t be here. I have to savour every moment I possibly can be in his presence. Rick wants to say goodbye to his son, even though he thought he wouldn’t ever have to. There have been many times he thought he had to. They’re all stories I’ve heard before while being wrapped up in the words Carl was telling me. We were cuddled up on the sofa listening to his stories about before he met me. Blankets cascading down covering our ankles and feet as we shared tales of our lives before all this and before we knew each other. I was hooked on every word Carl spoke, his tales of being shot, almost being bitten by a walker, having to kill his own mother and how he lost his eye. I’ve been told about the people they’ve lost and what they’ve been through to get to where they are now. Were. 

They’ve lost everything they built. Alexandria has fallen. Alexandria’s people are crowded in the sewers will little to our names, sullen and broken. Alexandria’s fallen to the ground, just piles of burnt rubble are left now. The memories of Judith lying in a cot in the house the Grimes called home rush back to me and tears well up. We’ve lost our home and now we’ll lose Carl too. “I love you,” I say once I realised I hadn’t spoken for a while. Carl looks up at me and his face brightens. “I love you too.” He replies lovingly. He pulls me closer delicately. His hand grasps the base of my neck and he inches closer. He kisses me gently and opens his eye to look into mine. I smile at him, tears creep in and I sigh content. Even though I’m aware of what is to come, I’m savouring every minute I have of being right here, right here with Carl, the person I love most in the world. Carl looks at me expectantly and I realise what he is hinting to automatically. 

When we first started dating, we used to sneak out of Alexandria and sit in the trees. We’d look out over the horizon and listen to the birds and sounds of the breeze rustling through the trees. It was as if everything was normal before the dead were roaming the Earth before Negan was craving our heads on pikes. I sang songs to Carl and he joined in with any songs he knew. It was a blissful time in my life and Carl admitted that was the day he fell in love with me. Singing became one of his favourite things to do with me, whenever we had time alone we’d move somewhere quiet and undisturbed. He’d request songs and I’d laugh as he joined in becoming more involved and passionate with each lyric we sang. Those moments are some of the most important to me, and ones I will cherish for the rest of my life. 

I move closer to sit beside him, we are both leaning up against the wall, our legs are intertwined and I stroke his forearm gently. I decide on the song I’d love to sing to him, possibly the last time I’ll get to. I take a deep breath and smile at him gingerly. 

_“There is a house built out of stone  
Wooden floors, walls and window sills  
Tables and chairs  
Worn by all of the dust  
This is a place where I don’t feel alone_

_This is a place where I feel at home  
And I built a home for you  
For me  
Until it disappeared  
From me_

_From you_

_And now it’s time to leave and turn to dust  
Out in the garden where we planted seeds  
There is a tree as old as me  
Branches were sewn by the color of green  
Ground had arose and passed its knees  
By the cracks of the skin I climbed to the top   
I climbed the tree to see the world  
When the gusts came around to blow me down  
I held on as tightly as you held on to me   
I held on as tightly as you held on to me   
And I built a home for you  
For me   
Until it disappeared  
From you  
And now it’s time to leave and turn to dust” ___

__“That was beautiful,” Carl said at last, once I’d completely finished. “Thank you.” I kissed his cheek and leaned in closer, laying my head on his shoulder. “I want you to be the one to do it, (Y/N),” Carl admits. What is he talking about? “What do you mean?” I ask curiously. Carl turns his head to the side as if I’m silly for not knowing what he’s referring to. Then it hits me, he wants me to be the one to end his suffering, to prevent him from turning. I shake my head and tears well. “No. no. no. no. I can’t do it. I won’t. You can’t make me. Please, Carl, don’t make me.” I begin to heave out heavy sobs. “Okay, okay, it’s okay. I’m sorry.” Carl strokes my hair and kisses the top of my head, cuddling me closer into his body as if he’s trying to make his own protection bubble for us to stay in forever so we don’t have to face the world outside. It’s too scary and harsh out there. Maybe he’s hoping if we stay close, he’ll never have to leave or we’ll become one and we can go out the way it was supposed to be. Together._ _

__“I’m scared,” I admit, leaning into his chest. He nods bracingly. “Me too.”_ _


	3. Father & Son

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rick is struggling with Carl's fate, after all those occasions he thought he'd lost Carl forever, it's actually happening. When he got shot, when lost his eye, when Negan forced Rick to cut Carl's arm off, luckily he didn't do it. But all these occasions affected Rick and Carl immensely and their relationship. It only became stronger over the test of time. But now he's going to lose his only son...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! So, this chapter is completely written from Rick's point of view. I figured it would be good to write in Rick's POV so you as a reader can understand what's really going on. Also, don't worry Rick's breakdown is coming up and unfortunately so is the part where Carl dies :( I hope you enjoy, please leave any comments or kudos if you want, they are always greatly appreciated. The song from ending of this chapter, I don't own also it's really hard to find sad songs you don't already know... The song is Waiting by Dash Berlin. When I was searching up songs, I used these lyrics but the song is a lot faster and more dubstep than I originally thought. I'm sure there's an acoustic version you could listen to while reading through. Anyways! Have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, and I'll be back with more chapters soon. Stay safe, lots of love, Francesca x

I get up to go see Carl and reach the opening of the room. (Y/N) looks up as she hears my footsteps approaching them. She waves me in gently and gets up from Carl’s side so I can sit directly next to him. “I’ll give you some space.” She whispers and she leaves the room. Carl’s eyes flutter open and I smile weakly at him. He returns the gesture and turns his head to face me properly. “Hi, Dad.” He says. Looking at me curiously as if worried I’ll burst into tears, I want to, but I’m trying to remain strong for Michonne and Judith. “Hi, Carl.” I finally respond. “How are you doing?” He shakes his head. I nod, I understand what he means, I don’t but I’m trying to. “How could you let this happen, Carl?” I ask disappointed. “We were surrounded, Dad. There’s nothing that could’ve been done.” He replies. “You shouldn’t have even been out there, Carl. What did I tell you? I told you to leave him alone. I told you not to.” I respond accusingly. “I know but I couldn’t just leave Siddiq, he’s a person, Dad. He means just as much as we do.” I shake my head and look at the floor. After everything we’ve been through, after all the times I’d thought I’d lost him for good and now it’s really happening. There’s no one to save him this time. “This wasn’t supposed to happen, Dad. But it is, and we have to deal with it.” We had a place to call home. We had a place we loved. We had a place we lived in and now it’s destroyed. Alexandria is gone and Negan is more pissed than he ever has been. 

“What happened out there?” I ask confused. “I don’t know, I’m sorry,” Carl replies. Someone drove a truck into Savior HQ and destroyed the plan I relied on to keep us safe. “I thought I’d lost you so many times, Carl. When you were shot, when you lost your eye and now I’m really losing you.” Tears well in my eyes and I can’t see straight anymore. A tear falls from Carl’s eye and his face crumples. “I know, Dad. I’m sorry.” Carl says upset. “But I know you can lead everyone into a safe future. I believe in you, Michonne and Judith. You can keep our people safe, Dad.” I shake my head angrily. I thought my son would be by my side to defeat Negan and the Saviors. I thought we’d do this together, I thought he’d lead them if anything happened to me. But now… 

Michonne knocks the side of the gloomy walls and I nod at her so she’s welcomed to join us. She sits on Carl’s other side and holds his hand gently. Being in Michonne’s presence and sensing her devastation forces me to face what’s really happening and I begin to cry. She reaches over for my hand and grasps it confidently. She rubs her thumb in circles over my palm and gazes at me lovingly. “Your mom would be so proud of you, Carl,” I say suddenly. Carl gazes up at me and grins. “I hope so, she told me to do what was right, so that’s what I’ve been doing,” Carl replies. “We’re so proud of you, Carl,” Michonne says, her tone wavering slightly. At this moment, (Y/N) comes into the room too. Michonne moves to my side on the left of Carl, so (Y/N) can sit on the right side of Carl. She laces her fingers in Carl’s and smiles at him lovingly. “Take care of Judith, ok? Keep her safe, all of you.” Carl says passionately. “Carl…” Michonne begins. “Don’t worry, I’ll keep her safe better than I ever kept you safe,” I reply sadly. “Dad… You couldn’t stop this. So, stop blaming yourself, please?” Carl says. I nod reluctantly. 

Carl leans back against the wall and sighs. He closes his eyes and begins to drift off. Once he’s snoring lightly, Michonne leaves the room and says she’ll return when he wakes up. “I have to check he’s still breathing, I can’t lose him. But I know it’s going to happen…” (Y/N) says out of the blue, cutting through the silence. I don’t know how to respond so I remain silent. I can practically hear Lori’s cutting tone as she shouts at me. How could you let this happen, Rick? That’s my son! I haven’t thought about Lori for so long… It feels like so long ago, we were in that prison making a home for ourselves. I can imagine what Shane would tell me too. Imagine how he’d punch me, how furious he’d be. When I look at Judith, I know she’s not mine, but when I cradle her in my arms at night, or when I kiss her forehead. I forget all about that. She’s my daughter and she’s Carl’s sister. She is so unaware of what’s happening, but I’ll tell her how brave and kind her brother was. Just like how brave and kind his mom was. How much he reminds me of her and how much Judith will too. 

_"Fading of the day_  
As night takes over  
And I can almost feel  
You here 

_Your memory remains_  
I breathe it closer  
I swear that I still feel you near 

_The cold wind is taking over  
It's taking over_

_So far away_  
You're gone so long  
Oh and I'm waiting..." 

__

I get up to leave from Carl’s side. “Dad…” Carl says stirring from sleep. I turn to look at him. He’s become white as a sheet and he begins to cough heavily. “I don’t… I don’t think I have long left, Dad. I’m dying, Dad.” 


End file.
